So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
