Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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