ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
