Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
