I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
