Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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