Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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