I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
