a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
