Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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