so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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