we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
