Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
