i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
