I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
