I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
