Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
