I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
