Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
