i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
that is very illegal...i love you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
