fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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