i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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