I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
