I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
