Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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