I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize