I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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