He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
