so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
