she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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