He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
