i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
