Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
