I got chris browned last night
you would pick up someone in the library
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
