I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
