Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
