walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize