I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
