I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
