Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Green mimosas i think yes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize