So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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