Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Vodka?
Forever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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