i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she smelled like a LAN party
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
