remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
