4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
