I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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