This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
