When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
