i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
