A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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