Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
