I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
