I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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