Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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