She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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