Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize