why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
