I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
