Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
