margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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