Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
