I wish my penis had an off switch
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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