Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
