This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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