Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
