If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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