I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
